JERUSALEM, Israel (The Dissociated Press) - The United States plans to donate more than $900 million to help rebuild Gaza following Israel's recent military campaign against the tiny coastal strip, which killed 1,300 people and left only four buildings standing (including an outhouse in the Shati refugee camp and a falafel stand in Khan Younis), according to a US official, who spoke on condition of anonymity, because he had been kicked in the head by a camel and forgotten his name.
According to the official, who asked that he be called Jacqueline (with a French accent, "like Jacques-LEEN"), Secretary of State Hillary Clinton plans to pledge the donation next week at what is being called a "Gaza Donors' Conference" in Egypt. Although, as best the Dissociated Press could determine, the conference will consist primarily of donors to Gaza, since few, if any, of the expected attendees have indicated plans to actually donate Gazas or even that they are, in fact, in possession of any!
"Originally, Secretary Clinton said we would only be pledging $850 million. But then she heard on the radio that, for a pledge of $900 million or more, we could get a five-CD retrospective of Jinny Marsh's Hot Kugel Klezmer Band and 4 tickets to the opening night, off-Broadway, of 'Shoah, the Musical,'" Jacqueline said.
One potential catch in the generous aid plan, however, is that instead of distributing reconstruction funds for Gaza through its elected Hamas government, which both the US and Israel consider to consist primarily of Martians, it aims to have the money disbursed by former Palestinian Authority President Yasser Arafat, who, in addition to having been standard bearer of Hamas' most bitter political rival, is also currently dead.
'Shoah, the Musical'
Classy. That's really tasteful of you.
Posted by: Anonymous | February 25, 2009 at 03:42 PM