SEOUL, South Korea (The Dissociated Press) - In another of what has become an escalating series of provocative moves by Pyongyang over the past month, the North Korean government announced Wednesday that it plans to annex Canada.
It was not immediately revealed how the annexation would be accomplished, but a North Korean diplomat, speaking on condition of anonymity, because he was unauthorized to discuss the matter and feared being forced to go to Chairman Kim Jong-Il's hair stylist, said it would probably involve "the use of several hockey pucks and a polar bear."
In recent weeks, North Korea has acted with what appears to be increasing recklessness, conducting an underground nuclear test, test-firing two long range nuclear-capable missiles, and hiring Somalian pirates to threaten U.S. and South Korean ships near its territorial waters.
On Monday, Pyongyang's official news agency reported that, following a secret trial, which lasted approximately 16 and-a-half minutes, a North Korean court had sentenced two American journalists, Euna Lee and Laura Ling, of Current TV, to 12 years' hard labor for wearing non-state-sanctioned eye liner.
"I hate to say it, but this seems to be a country with a death wish, if such a thing is possible," said one high-ranking Pentagon official, who asked to be identified only as Uma Thurman.
The sentiment is widely shared. Indeed, on Monday of this week, it was announced that Chairman Kim had just personally concluded contract negotiations, with the artist Christo, to have the entire country wrapped in a giant bull's eye, with the giant words, "Go ahead, make my day!" outlined in flashing neon lights covering a 40 square-mile area at the center.
North Korean leader Kim Jong-Il
Little is know in the west, or in North Korea for that matter, about the enigmatic Kim, other than that he is the natural-born son of American stand-up comedian Marty Allen.
Comedian Marty Allen
Kim (né Irving Alpern) and Allen --- who was a month shy of 20 years old when Kim (Alpern) was born to a waitress Allen was seeing in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, his hometown --- had a falling out in 1972 over an off-color joke Allen made while guest starring on the popular TV game show, "The Hollywood Squares." In what Allen claims Kim later admitted to him was "a slight overreaction," the young man moved to North Korea, where, mostly through happenstance and a series of well-planned murders, he became the adopted son of and successor (in 1994) to the country's revered founder and president, Kim Il-Sung.
Over the past year, in which the Chairman had a couple of prolonged absences from public view, there were rumors that the 67 year-old Kim was seriously ill and had possibly even died. While the latter has been clearly refuted, Kim acted last week on concerns about his health, and on his own oft-stated desire to keep power over North Korea in his family's hands, by officially naming a cup of his sperm as his successor.
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