WASHINGTON (The Dissociated Press) - Responding to widespread allegations that the Bolsheviks are looking to establish a North American beachhead through the U.S. health care system, the Obama administration appeared to back away last week from its long-standing commitment to require a "strong public option" in health care reform legislation.
The charges, originally levied by congressional Republicans and "fiscally conservative" Democrats --- so called because they believe that large insurance and pharmaceutical companies should be able to conserve their fiscal assets while average Americans are forced to sell their kidneys in order to get some Tylenol --- have been repeated and amplified in town hall meetings across the country in a concerted, nationwide, industry-financed campaign to put loud, stupid people in front of television cameras and have them accuse President Obama of being Karl Marx.
Asked about the public option in his daily press briefing last Monday, White House press secretary Robert Gibbs told reporters the administration was "starting to lean" more toward the use of "very promising private-sector mechanisms, such as insurance hedge funds and mortgage-backed health derivatives." But, on Tuesday, Gibbs assured reporters that the administration was "in no way" dropping the government-run component of reform.
"We're looking at providing government-funded cardboard crates for people to live in after being forced to sell their homes," Gibbs said. "And tax credits for cemetery plots and cremations would be another way to help!" he said.